


Kaz sucks at emotions, that's not news

by mycopingmechanisms



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: (we still love him), (what death in Crooked Kingdom?), Communication, Declarations Of Love, Emotional Roller Coaster, Everybody Lives, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kaz is an emotional mess, Kaz is whipped, Lack of Communication, Love Confessions, Post-Book 2: Crooked Kingdom, Sassy Wylan, Wesper saved Kanej
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:00:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28903782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mycopingmechanisms/pseuds/mycopingmechanisms
Summary: “I guess. I believed, I don’t know, that he wouldn’t just talk about the Dregs or something. Each time I come back, he seems to care less.”Jesper inhaled deeply. “Kaz sucks at emotions, that’s not news. But take my word that he does miss you.”/“Ghezen,” was all Wylan could say. “I’m guessing you didn’t say it back.”“I was in shock, of course I didn’t!”“You are the worst at this. Inej Ghafa. Loves you, Kaz Brekker. And you couldn’t say it back?! Cause if you dare tell me you don’t love her-”“Of course I love her!” He yelled.Or: Kanej is in crisis, Wesper saves the day, and 'I love you's are said.
Relationships: Jesper Fahey & Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker & Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81
Collections: Kaz and Inej Fanfics





	Kaz sucks at emotions, that's not news

**Inej**

_The Wraith_ arrived at Ketterdam's fifth harbor just as the sun started to rise. Inej guided her crew on as to what to do while they were in town, which she expected would be three weeks to rest. Inej’s crew knew perfectly well why she would rather rest in Ketterdam than a calmer place like the coasts of Novyi Zem. Each time they would arrive at berth twenty-two, they confirmed their knowledge. 

“If anyone needs me,” Inej always ended her commands, “I’ll be in the Slat. Or the Van Eck mansion.”

She left the harbor with a smile on her face. It had been nearly four months since she had seen Kaz, and she missed him terribly. Letters didn’t commonly arrive at sea, and most of the time, _The Wraith_ would take unplanned routes, meaning her friends couldn’t be sure which port to send their letters. 

People on the docks would talk about how the streets were growing more aggressive by the minute, especially between the Dregs and the Dime Lions. She could only hope Kaz was doing well, but the anxious feeling in her stomach wouldn’t leave her.

Inej also hoped Kaz would recognize her. She hadn’t cut her hair or gotten a tattoo on her face, but the few times she had gone to Ketterdam in the past year, he had treated her mostly like a stranger, at least the first days she was in town. Eventually he would become his warm, or rather less cold, version of himself he normally was around her. 

No one, not even Inej herself, could name what their relationship was. They would hold hands, and sometimes fall asleep together. Both of them knew there was something there. The Last time she was in Ketterdam, Kaz had almost kissed her. Instead, he went for a hug. She was thankful, nonetheless. Still, she needed answers. Those interactions were confounding her, and she couldn’t lead her crew like that. 

The week after she had sailed out of Ketterdam after the almost kiss, she had been distracted. She couldn’t focus on the route. Rix, one of her most trusted members, actually asked her if she was sick. Inej denied the fact and tried to get her head back to work.

As she made her way to the Slat, she ran onto Pim, who informed her that Kaz was in a meeting, and that he should be back in a while. She thanked them for the information and took her non-conventional route to Kaz’s room. 

Inej was glad to see that Kaz’s window was open. For Kaz, it wasn’t a smart decision, being one of the most powerful barrel bosses, but he did it for Inej, as he never knew when she would be in town. She sat on the window frame and started to feed the crows with a piece of bread she had bought on her way here. 

She was humming a sailor’s lullaby when Kaz walked in. “Captain Ghafa,” he said with his rasp voice, “I see you are in town.”

“Indeed I am, Barrel Boss Brekker.” She smiled at him. Inej stood up from the window and walked up to him. She went out to reach his hand, which was gloved, but he backed off. She glanced at him with a curious look, but Kaz’s expression made it seem as if he hadn’t even noticed her approach at all.

“How have things been going?” She asked, still cheery.

Kaz shrugged. “Deals here, plans there. The usual.” Inej could tell he was tense.

“Did your meeting go well?”

“Yeah, we are breaking into one of the Dime Lions clubs. Try and find clues of where Rollins is hiding.”

“He is still dealing from the shadows?”

Kaz nodded.

“Coward,” she said. “Entering a Dime Lion club, then? That sounds hard.”

“When have we done anything easy?”

Inej smiled, “Fair point.” She waited for Kaz to say something else. The air in the room didn’t feel particularly welcoming. “Well, we destroyed two slaver ships on our way here,” she commented with pride to avoid the silence. 

Inej saw Kaz’s lip twitch as if to smile, but his blank expression made her believe it had been a trick of the light. “I hope you got out of there without bleeding,” he said.

“Wouldn’t consider it a victory without a little blood,” she joked, showing a recent clot in her arm. “If you don’t put effort in, then it’s just a pastime.”

“Truths never said better.” 

They stood in silence. Inej wanted to get closer, but she didn’t want Kaz backing away again. Kaz wasn’t the warmest person, that was a well known fact, but it was always different between them. Yet, that morning, he seemed farther away than she had ever seen him before. And that was a lot to say. 

From what was whispered in the streets, things were tense, but the Dregs had the high ground. What made him act this way then? 

What was Inej waiting for anyways? This was Kaz Brekker in front of her. Was she really waiting for a warm smile, for him to take her hand and him to tell her he had missed her? 

It was a foolish belief to expect anything from Dirtyhands. He was slipping away. _Maybe it’s for the best,_ Inej told herself. Her heart ached at the thought. Still, she had to try something. They weren’t nothing, as far as she knew. 

“Nothing else you want to add?” She asked.

Kaz shook his head. His arms were closed. “Not really.”

“Saints Kaz, you’re unbelievable,” Inej said exasperated. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” he answered. 

“You can’t just pretend we’re strangers every time I come back to Ketterdam! Like nothing ever happened!”

“Why do you care? You’ll eventually leave again. Isn’t it better if you have nothing waiting for you here?”

“You don’t understand!” Inej was starting to hold tears in her eyes. 

“What is there to understand?!”

“I’ll always have a reason to come back to this forsaken city, Kaz! I love you,” Inej backed, trying to stop her words, but failing. It was the first time she admitted it aloud. She took a deep breath. “I had hoped you loved me back.” She laughed to herself. “Looks like I was wrong.”

Inej walked toward the window she entered through and climbed to the roof. She stood there for a while after storming out. _Please, look out for me Kaz. Give me a reason to keep believing._ When nothing happened, she made way to Wylan’s.

She wouldn’t cry. Not in the streets. Not for Kaz.

**Kaz**

He wanted to scream for her to come back. To go after her. Tell her he loved her too.

Feelings were a burden. Every time he heard her laugh his world would melt away. Every time she was in town the sun seemed to be brighter than usual. But every time she left, he would find himself lost. A storm stronger than usual would be in his heart. He would never ask her to stay. Inej was free, as she was always meant to be. He wouldn’t take that away from her. Even if it meant breaking his heart over and over again every time he saw _The Wraith_ sail back to sea.

The last time she had gone away, it became too much to bear. He just wanted to forget her. But Inej would always come back. Come back to him, she had just said.

“Inej,” he whispered after she went out of the window. Just when he wanted to run for the window, run for her, his leg started to ache. He had gone into a bad fight the night before.

He steadied himself with his desk, but it took long for him to move again. When he was finally able to move to the window, Inej was long gone. 

“I love you too,” he said into the dawn. 

**Inej**

She entered the Van Eck mansion through the music room. She would usually use the main entrance, but she didn’t feel like meeting with any of Wylan’s servants. 

The piano was playing, and Inej was surprised when she saw Jesper playing in his pajamas instead of Wylan.

Jesper stopped stumbling through the notes when he saw Inej come in. “The Wraith is back in town!” He yelled with a smile. He stood up from his seat and embraced her with a hug. “You should’ve let us know! We would’ve fixed a room for you.”

“Ha, thanks Jes,” she tried to fake a smile.

“Hey,” Jesper said, pulling her away to see her face, “are you okay?”

Inej gave him a sad smile. “Kaz is an idiot. That's all.”

“We all know Kaz is a charmer, but you look way too down.” They sat down in an armchair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Shouldn’t Wylan appear any time now?”

“No, he left a few minutes ago to the Slat actually, had to ask the Charmer for some help.”

Inej laughed. 

“So, want to tell me what happened?”

Inej sighted. “You know, not receiving or not being able to send letters at sea kills me every time I leave.”

“Yeah, imagine living one day without listening to the drama that is the Barrel.”

Inej smiled. “Yeah, well one would think the person you missed the most would be happy to see you when you come back after disappearing for four months.”

Jesper gasped dramatically. “You are telling me I didn’t miss you?”

“You are horrible at this. Is Nina in town?” She pretended to stand up mockingly.

“Okay okay, sorry. Also, no, I think she and Matthias may come in a few weeks. So what did Kaz say?”

“More like what he didn’t,” Inej let out. “Am I a fool for thinking he would say he missed me or something?”

“You are telling me he didn’t?” Inej’s face answered the question. 

“I guess. I believed, I don’t know, that he wouldn’t just talk about the Dregs or something. Each time I come back, he seems to care less.”

Jesper inhaled deeply. “Kaz sucks at emotions, that’s not news. But take my word that he does miss you.”

“Doesn’t look like it.”

“You are right, Nina would probably know what to say now, I don’t. So what if I tell you about Kaz the last time you left?”

“And risk getting killed?”

“No, I’m too amazing to die for being a good friend.”

**Kaz**

Kaz was sitting at his desk pretending to do paperwork when he heard a knock on the door. “Yes?” He raised his voice. 

“Hi,” said Wylan as he walked into Kaz’s office. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Kaz groaned. “Not really, it’s fine. You needed help with what now?”

“Eh, are you okay?”

“Yes,” he said with his jaw tight. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just look grumpier than usual.” Besides Inej, Wylan was the only one that could tell stuff to Kaz’s face without risking getting an eye removed. “And you’re scribbling something I won’t try to read in your papers.”

Kaz looked down to his papers and quickly made them into a ball. No one needed to read the words ‘Inej’ and ‘love’ he had written all over the Crow Club’s profits. _I’ll copy them later_ , Kaz told himself. 

“Are you, blushing?” Wylan asked, almost amused.

“What? No.”

“And they say I’m the one with blushing problems,” Wylan mocked. 

“Did Jesper kiss you good morning?” said Kaz, his words sounded weird as he covered his face with his hands. 

“Eh- yes he did.”

Kaz looked up to see the boy two shades redder and laughed to himself. “Anyways, my life is none of your concern, what did you need?”

“It wouldn’t hurt trusting your friends once in a while,” Wylan insisted. 

Kaz looked around the room. “I might’ve messed up things with Inej.”

Wylan looked in surprise. “I don’t know whether to be happy ‘cause she’s in town or be mad cause whatever you said couldn’t have gone well.”  
“How is it you’re never scared to basically slap me?”

“Don’t know. I know I’m not going to be another missing body. Now stop dodging this. What on earth did you do to upset Inej?”

“Nothing. Literally nothing.” Wylan twisted an eyebrow. He didn’t buy it. Kaz crossed his arms. “I don’t know why I’m having this conversation with you.”

“Do you have anyone else to talk to?”

“I could simply not talk about it.” At the look Wylan shot him he added, “Inej is complicated.”

“‘Cause you aren’t?”

Kaz rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He explained to Wylan their encounter that had occurred just a few minutes away. 

“So Inej arrives. The first thing she does is go to see you. You show zero interest. And you don’t understand why she’s mad? Kaz,” that was the most serious tone of voice Wylan had ever talked in, “Inej is like the one person that somehow gets you. She clearly missed you a lot. And if you act so apathetic, she’ll just believe that she wasn’t missed at all.”

“She told me she loved me,” Kaz mumbled.

“What?”

“She told me she loved me,” he said in a clear voice. “I told her that it was better if she didn’t care for me, that way nothing would be waiting for her here. She told me that she would always come back. And then she said it. And immediately regretted it.”

“Ghezen,” was all Wylan could say. “I’m guessing you didn’t say it back.”

“I was in shock, of course I didn’t!”

“You are the worst at this. Inej Ghafa. Loves you, Kaz Brekker. And you couldn’t say it back?! Cause if you dare tell me you don’t love her-”

“Of course I love her!” He yelled. 

He had always loved her. 

The last time she had gone away, Kaz had been so blue he couldn’t even help plan a future Dregs heist for two weeks. He locked himself in his room looking out through possible ships to exploit, but always caught himself staring at Inej’s travelling route. At dinners at Wylan’s he would stare into Inej’s usual, now empty, space. He would curse himself every time he smiled when he heard Inej’s name on the Slat. The old Dregs would tell the newbies about the great Wraith, and Kaz would feel a warm feeling in his stomach. He would wonder how she was doing out at sea. He would start feeding the crows Inej usually fed, so they would be there when she came back. 

One night as he fed the crows he caught himself staring at the stars. He thought about how Inej sometimes talked about how they helped her guide her way through the sea. Then Kaz wished Inej was watching the stars at that same moment. He wished he could be closer to her. 

“Of course I love her,” he repeated lower. 

Wylan sighted. “No one around us is a psychic Kaz. If you love Inej, then you have to let her know.”

“Yeah, ‘cause I’m so good at ‘feeling’,” he said, almost gagging.

“Actions speak a lot. And we’ve all seen how you act towards Inej, her included. But sometimes words help clarify things.”

Kaz let his arms loose and laughed. “I can’t believe I’m getting love advice from Wylan Blushing-Mess Van Eck.”

“Hey!”

“You’re blushing right now.” Indeed, Wylan’s face was blushing, but also doing something else. “Why do you have _my_ scheming face on?”

“We are going to make you confess your feelings.”

**Inej**

A servant arrived in the kitchen when Inej and Jesper were on their fourth pancake. “Waffles are for Nina,” Inej had said. 

“Mr Fahey, a letter arrived for you from the Slat,” said the servant handing Jesper a piece of paper.

“I’ve told you to call Jesper, it’s fine. And thanks!”

“What is it?” Inej asked once the servant had left.

“Wylan is staying at the Slat all day, and he says that if I’m with you to let him know.”

“Huh.”

“I bet he's planning something with Kaz for you.”

“Be ready to lose even more money then, Fahey.”

“No, thanks, Captain Ghafa.”

Inej looked around the kitchen. “Does that mean we can eat comfort pancakes for lunch too?” 

Jesper smiled. “But only the best comfort pancakes.”

Wylan arrived at the mansion a bell away from dusk. He found Inej and Jesper in the music room playing lousy sailor songs.

“Hi Van Sunshine,” said Jesper as he stood up to kiss his boyfriend. 

“Hi!” Wylan said with a smile. “Now move I haven’t said hello to Inej yet.”

The two hugged before sitting back again. 

They started to talk, Wylan asked her about her recent adventures at sea. Though Inej told them passionately, she was disappointed Wylan didn’t say anything about Kaz during their whole interaction. They talked all night. She was welcomed to stay at their residence while she stayed in Ketterdam. Inej thanked them dearly, while she loved the sea, she didn’t mind staying in a bed that didn’t move at night. 

When she was ready to go to bed, she found a note. She recognized the letter immediately. _Kaz._ So this was going to end the same way she had begun to hope it would start. Even the same words. _Sunrise. Fifth Harbor._

Only one thing changed. Pasted to the note was a small geranium. Her favorite flower, a taste she had inherited from her mother.

 _A boy who will learn your favorite flower._ The voice of her father echoed. 

She went to sleep with hope in her mind, so far her least favorite way to sleep. 

The next morning she got ready quickly enough to look like she didn’t care, but attentive enough to show that she did care. 

She liked the smell of Fifth Harbor in the morning. The pure smell of the sea she knew so well mixed with the homesick smell of the city. No matter how much she hated that town, it had still been her home once. 

Inej found Kaz on the rooftop of a building in the quay. His back was to her, staring out to the berth twenty-two. To _The Wraith_.

“You like things out at sea?” Kaz asked, without looking at her.

“They’re fun. You don’t get bored easily.”

“I can imagine.” They stood in silence. “I’m sorry.”

Inej was taken aback by Kaz’s comment. He was sorry? Kaz was too stubborn to apologize for anything. 

“I did miss you. More than I care to admit.” Kaz turned around to face Inej. He was holding a small geranium bouquet. His hands were gloveless. “Welcome back to Ketterdam,” he said, handing them to her. 

Inej gave a step closer to him and took the flowers. “Thank you,” she said with a slight blush. 

Kaz inhaled and started to talk. “Sorry for seeming not to care when you arrived. I did care. A lot. And when you said you came back to Ketterdam because of me, I didn’t know how to react. When you said you loved me, I lost myself.” He looked around the place to collect his thoughts back. “I never thought someone would be capable of caring for me the way you do. And I never thought I would feel this way about anyone.” Inej was sure her ears were playing a trick on her at that moment. Kaz took her hand on his. “The truth is, Inej, loving you is probably my strongest weakness and motivator. It hurts so much to watch you leave, I thought pretending not to care would help. And it doesn’t. It only makes the wait worse.” Kaz finally looked Inej in the eye. “I love you, Inej. I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before.”

Inej looked away from his eyes, still holding Kaz’s hands. She wasn’t yet convinced. 

Kaz talked again. “You once told me you would have me with no armor or not at all. I can’t give you what most people would, but I can and will give you all I’m able to do. If that’s not enough for you, I understand. You can say it, and we’ll let each other go.” 

Inej looked at him with soft eyes. She took one hand and cupped his face. “You are enough Kaz. And I know I’ll never love anyone the way I love you, even if we let each other go.” They rested their foreheads together. “I just wanted to know you felt the same way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I've been rooting a lot for Kanej lately.  
> Huge thanks to TheFriendlyNeighborhoodPancake (iRubyReader) for editing the fic, I owe you a stack of pancakes   
> -MCM :D


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